3 New Delectable Recipes for Spring!

Goat Sperm & Marsala Scalloped Potatoes, Cow Pie & Cauliflower Balls over Creamy Tomato Pasta, Fried Eggplant in a Pig Urine & Garlic Sauce. These recipes typically reserved for the upscale restaurants of LA, Chicago & NY are now available at home! If you haven’t experienced these dishes, they are a must for your next family dinner.

Goat Sperm & Marsala Scalloped Potatoes

This delicacy originated by accident on the shores of Ireland in the late 1880’s when one dim-witted, yet lucky farmer mistook the goat’s penis for his utter and began to stroke it gently. The goat got overly excited and this resulted in filling the farmer’s milk pail with the silky goat love sauce. Unaware, his wife used the creamy substance in her scalloped potatoes for their evening dinner and voila! This dish is best accompanied with lamb or beef. Recipe Here

 

 

 

 

 

Cow Pie & Cauliflower Balls over Creamy Tomato Pasta

Love meatballs, but hate the calories and fat?? Well this is for you. Since the cow pies are made from 4-times regurgitated non-fat, grazing field grass, it is naturally lean. Some say that the long, slow passage through the cow’s intestinal tract gives it a natural beef flavor! Simply combine the cowpie with mashed cauliflower and add some flour to bind.  Pan fry these mother fu@%ers with a little salt, pepper, garlic, onion and basil and you’ve got yourself a low calorie amazeball! Recipe Here.

 

 

 

 

 

Pan-Fried Eggplant with a Pig Urine & Garlic Sauce

This recipe was also accidentally discovered when a pig farmer in southern Nebraska fell into the sty. Mired by the mud he became a prime target for revenge as the pigs took their turns relieving themselves in his mouth. To his “utter” surprise, the farmer gained a taste for the tangy liquid and started incorporating it into his daily hydration routine. One night, he ran out of white wine and decided to substitute it with the sweet pig nectar.  The dish immediately made it to the best restaurants in Omaha and today can be enjoyed by you. Recipe Here

 

 

 

 

April Fools, Bit@hes! Now get back in the damn kitchen.